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Archive for May, 2011

The Serin Bros. Show (or “You spin me right round, baby, right round like a record baby, right round round round.”)

Hello, dear SEC readers!

Not much to post at the moment (not even good Tila shots!), but check this out. A tremendously talented CampIdiot poster wrote one of the funniest recaps of the entire saga. Sheer bloody poetry.

The crowd, having paid $5 each, is quiet. On the brightly lit stage, a hand-painted sign says ‘Cukey Goodman – making cucumbers disappear for your viewing pleasure’. There is a trampoline in the center of the stage – in front of the trampoline there is a padded stool and a low table. On the table is a large cucumber, a kitchen knife, a roll of duct tape, and a jar of Dr Procto’s Lube.

There is a brief smattering of applause as a slight man of about 30, his hair highlighted and combed forward, comes onstage wearing flip-flops and a striped bathrobe. This must be Cukey Goodman.

“And now,” he says, in slightly accented Californian English, “for you, my audience, I will make a cucumber disappear.”

Mr Goodman carefully cuts the end off the cucumber. He pulls off a length of duct tape and turns to clown for the audience as the duct tape gets stuck to his fingers. Eventually he manages to tape the cucumber upright in the center of the stool. He then coats the cucumber in Dr. Procto’s, his fingers lingering on the shaft a little too lovingly for some.

Once this is complete, Mr Goodman kicks off his flip-flops and climbs onto the trampoline. There is a collective gasp and intake of breath from the audience as he drops the bathrobe with a flourish. He begins to bounce, jumping higher and higher as he eyes the distance between the trampoline and the stool. Some people cover their eyes as Mr Goodman’s flaccid penis whirls in a circle in time to his bouncing.

Mr Goodman, satisfied with his last bounce, leaps high in the air toward the stool. From offstage, a woman’s voice with a heavy Slavic accent is heard incongruously yelling ‘Go Kostya Go!’. Cukey, meanwhile, strikes a couple of styles at the top of his leap.

This is his undoing – as he comes down he clutches his knees and pulls them up, aiming his twitching anus at the tip of the heavily-lubed vegetable below, but his clowning has thrown his timing off. He misses, and he smashes squarely into the cuke with his testicles, spattering the front row of the audience with a grotesque salad of cucumber fragments and lube.

The audience files out to get their money back as Cukey lies groaning on the stage.

Anonymous – http://www.campidiot.com/casey

Read it once again and you’ll see – the entire 5 years of this criminal saga is there.  Major props, dude.

James Marks
You spin me right round, baby, right round!
May 18th, 2011 

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Golden Slumbers / Carry that weight / The End.

Once there was a way,
to get back homeward,

Once there was a way,
to get back home


Sleep pretty darling do not cry,
and I will sing a lullaby

Golden slumbers fill your eyes,

smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry,
and I will sing a lullaby

Once there was a way,
to get back homeward,
Once there was a way,
to get back home


Sleep pretty darling do not cry,
and I will sing a lullaby

Boy you’re gonna carry that weight,
carry that weight for a long time


Boy you’re gonna carry that weight,
carry that weight for a long time

I never give you my pillow,

I only send you my invitations
And in the middle of the celebrations,
I break down

Boy you’re gonna carry that weight,
carry that weight for a long time
Boy you’re gonna carry that weight,
carry that weight for a long time

Oh yeah, all right,
are you gonna be in my dreams tonight?

Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you

And in the end,

the love you take,

is equal to the love you make.

James Marks
Her Majesty is a pretty nice girl,
May 8th, 2011 

I’m sorry. My dog ate my last post (Honest).

Good morning, dear Sacramento Empire Readers!

Well, I suppose it is morning somewhere in the world. I’d Google the place, but frankly that seems like work.

OK, so if you live in Brasilia, Buenos Aires or some island on the Pacific, then it's good morning for you.

OK, so if you live in Brasilia, Buenos Aires or some Atlantic island, then it's good morning for you.

I can’t sleep. Usually, that means a) I ate far too much, b) I drank far too much, c) both, d) I did something wrong and I can’t stop thinking about it, or e) a combination of them all (and the sequence usually is a, b, d).

In this case, it’s a solid d). See, writing about the Serins sometimes makes my blood boil and I do stupid things I later regret.

I have to admit - I never regret posting her pics, though.

I have to admit - I never regret posting her pics, though.

So, let’s get this out of the way. Yesterday’s post about  was baseless and there’s no reason for me to slander what it seems to be a legit business. Neighborhood Dot confirmed the fact that Steve’s cars usually have dealer plates. An anonymous source verified they were doing business legally. That’s pretty much enough for me.

So, in case you arrive at this page for all the wrong reasons:

As far as I know, Genesis Auto is a legit business.

So, there you go. I think I may be able to get some sleep now.

James Marks
“But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.” (Matthew 12:36),
May 6th, 2011 

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree (or “No more Rita Pie for you, Aleksey!”)

EXTRA-Special Update: Steve “FunnyMan” Serin has just made private his salvageisbetter.com blog! I wonder how much incriminating evidence was there, besides “(his) personal car”, the  Jaguar.

Proverbs 10:9 The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.

Proverbs 10:9 The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.

Hello, dear Sacramento Empire Chronicles readers!

YES, I know lots of stuff happened this last weekend, and NO, I did not update this blog. I have a very good reason for that.

I'm one lazy douche.

I'm one lazy douche.

Now, seriously. I was expecting things to start making sense sooner or later, but then again, this is the Serin Crime Family we are talking about. Nothing – and I do mean it – is never what it seems to be; why, I have no idea. When I look at my life I wonder how the fuck I could ever get to be such a bore – you know, have breakfast, go to work, eat, work some more, go home, relax, sleep, etc. I can’t imagine waking up, cuking myself, going to sleep, snorting coke, smoking MJ, going to sleep, browsing the ‘net, getting the munchies, eat, eat, eat, master cleanse my ass, A4V my house, dream about my latest online venture, sleep, cuke myself, jerk off, sleep, and then starting all over again. Which seems to be the life of Casey Serin.

Well, at least that was his life right up until April 12th, 2011, the day the music cried the day the cucumber died the day when the Serin Crime Family was finally evicted. Tears of joy were shed by the thousand or so haterz who follow this criminal saga. There were talks of asking the Vatican to include Thomas Aceituno on a double bill with Mr. John the Pope II. My cat proposed to my dog.. Hell, my wife gave me a sweet goodbye kiss! It was all good!

Or, was it?

If past experience is any indication of what's to come, the world may never know.

If past experience is any indication of what's to come, the world may never know.

And this is in fact the real reason why I was trying my best not to write this entry – we have only raw data right now, and that does not a good blog post make (what?). There’s no way to know what’s going on inside the Crime Family’s inner-secret-group. I always thought of them as simpletons, people who relied far more on sheer luck than on long term planning. I’m not so sure anymore what is it that they are.

See for yourself, thanks, once again, to Neighborhood Dot – the meaniest dude of this whole saga at this point.

Neighborhood Dot
Member
$104

Re: casey serin: back in the
game

The Dewey house is for sale.
There’s a brand new sign with some Russian dude’s name.  I’m too busy this
morning to get a pic or Google, but the sign said “motivated seller.”  Somebody
please find the listing.

OK… so let me get this straight. Anna Serin’s brother, Peter Peychev, bought 4932 Dewey Road, a move that everyone believed meant the Crime Family would stay safe and cozy at home. And a couple of days later, they start selling the house? But… but… hadn’t we already agreed the moving trucks actually brought someone to the house (Olya) instead of throwing out people (the Serins?) What the truck?

I said it before - the scariest house in America isn't the one at Amityville

I said it before - the scariest house in America isn't the one at Amityville

So, this is for real: 4932 Dewey Drive is on the market. Yet again. This time, someone is trying to get $57,000 more than what the guy in the funny hat (the dude at the foreclosure auction) asked for the house a couple of weeks ago. I dunno about you,  but ugly Soviet-era wallpaper, a bathtub with a backstory which would make Caligula proud, and more jet and truck noise than Casa de Spanky’s would make me run away faster than Steve while being chased by a hot girl in her underwear.

I'M NOT GAY! I'M INTO PIKACHU, WHO IS, RATHER OBVIOUSLY, A FEMALE!

I'M NOT GAY! I'M INTO PIKACHU, WHO IS, RATHER OBVIOUSLY, A FEMALE!

Jet engine? Truck noise? How do we know about that?

I don’t know about you, but I’m seriously thinking about doing a voice-over to that video. How about:

This is 4932 Dewey Drive, home of Internet fraudster and con-man Casey Serin. This is the garage where he staged his failed sales. And, as we go inside, we can see all the 70’s Sovok wallpaper, which is now valued at $0.01c per square foot on eBay. Check out the flatscreen TV – imagine the thrill of owning completely stolen goods, since the proprietors never paid a bill! This here is the place where Casey proposed to Olya… this is where Rita slept while studying for Bible College… this is where Casey was stoned out of his mind and made the Island 2012 podcasts… and the toilet where he pissed on a dollar bill… this is not a home, this is not an investment, this is  FRIGGIN’ HISTORY!

Yuck.

As you watch that video, notice the following:

1) There are three cars outside: daddy’s Maxima, the BMW Cabrio we have seen before, and a Lexus – and you can read their license plates, for your DMV enjoyment!

2) The trampoline is still there.

3) The lawn is mowed.

4) There’s no Serin crap anywhere. It looks as if they already moved somewhere else.

5) They claim they spent $50K renovating the house. Where did that go? I mean, really? The house doesn’t look like absolute shit, but it certainly does have a very strong 70’s feel to it.

Even I'm cleaner than that house!

Even I'm cleaner than that house!

So, is the Crime Fambly gone for good?

While you ponder the question, can you spare a dime, please?

While you ponder the question, can you spare a dime, please?

Personally, I think they will not end up homeless – even though this picture was found recently by a CI poster, I do not believe it means Aleksey is on any kind of shelter. But once again, WHY do they insist on making this crap available to anyone with a Facebook account? Are they taunting the haters? It’s obvious these guys aren’t living at 4932 Dewey Drive anymore – unless they have a small bag with clothing and their personal belongings, and use it on an everyday basis. What’s the deal, then? Are they hiding at one of Uncle Peychev’s houses? Wouldn’t it be simpler to just shut the fuck up and delete every pic on Facebook?

The Serin Crime Family starts making even less sense than usual. Take Steve Serin, for instance:

Having your house sold in a foreclosure auction shouldn't be a laughing matter. Or so I think.

Having your house sold in a foreclosure auction shouldn't be a laughing matter. Or so I think.

No, I'm serious! Take him AWAY!

No, I'm serious! Take him AWAY!

Back in the day, he used to run “Escapemybrother.com”, where he poked fun at Casey Serin and seemed convinced he could make him go straight (so to speak). Now, let’s see – his latest online blog: classifiedpranks.com (now defunct):

REMINDER: This is coming from the brilliant mind of a retarded 20-something year old.

REMINDER: This is coming from the brilliant mind of a retarded 20-something year old.

What was that? Basically a blog where he messed around with people trying to sell their stuff on-line: a pretty retarded and sort of abusive hobby, don’t you think?

But wait, it gets better. Is it a good idea to publish such a blog when you are trying to sell your own stuff online? Damn, this guy is such an idiot.

Well, let's see. He tried to sell a  Jag X-Type with a salvage title...

Well, let's see. He tried to sell a Jag X-Type with a salvage title...

So, let’s see. He tries to sell a Jag for $8K. A car that had its entire engine replaced because its owner hit “something” too hard and destroyed it (this was posted on a reply to the original post, which has been deleted by now). But hey, I wonder – how come the prospective buyer didn’t know the car was salvaged?

Maybe we can find the answer here. Steve Serin doesn’t tell people his cars are salvage. He tells them they are his personal vehicles, in perfect shape, and that he does NOT represent any business. In short, Steve Serin is running a scam trying to scam people,  just like his brother.

Steve Serin, you are a liar.

Steve Serin, you are a liar.

Oh my. Let’s see here – he says it’s “HIS” awesome Jag. It’s not his, it’s Genesis Auto – the company that his uncle Peter Peychev runs. He never mentions its a salvaged car that had its engine destroyed (and, hint, hint: if you hit the car hard enough to rip a monoblock apart, trust me, you f’d up your car forevermore).  He’s even dumb enough to mention it has a 2.5L V6, but the car itself says it’s a 3L. Badge engineering much, Steve?

And please notice: the price is almost $600 lower!

And please notice: the price is almost $600 lower!

When all of this was noticed, Steve pulled down his new blog post, the Craigslist ad, and changed the wording on the ad. Steve, you can thank your brother Casey Serin – we are going to keep you straight, whether you want it or not.

I wonder if he was scared about people finding out about his “creative business strategies”. Funny – I always considered Casey to be the lone black sheep of 4932 Dewey Road – I guess I was wrong. But hey, I digress. What on earth was I talking about?

James Marks
Where the **CK is Casey, anyway?
May 3rd, 2011