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Posts tagged ‘Unstrappd’

FAILSTRAPP’D (or, “The Sun Falcon shall rise again”)

Hello, dear SEC readers. 

A while ago I promised to myself this blog would be about Casey, and only him – since I felt like crap about writing silly things regarding Anna Serin’s thongs, Margarita Serin’s stupid tree crap, Kristina’s nasty looking cakes, and 

Oops, I did it again

Oops, I did it again

Sorry.  Anyway, my point, if there was supposed to be one in the first place, is that I became convinced that Casey’s Fecal Finger of Fate should never be allowed to destroy other people’s lives, and so I decided not to turn this blog into a bash-fest. 

But sometimes, things happen – if you believe in karma then you are a stupid idiot, then you’d have to agree – anyone who was ever related to Casey – no, scratch that – anyone who ever tried to scam Casey, and then had his own shady dealings blown away by proxy deserves his own blog entry on this space. That’s not just serendipity, coincidence, or irony. It’s divine justice. 

Enter Chris Record and the Unstrapp’d crew. 

There's a female in there. HINT: It's the ugly looking dude.

There's a female in there. HINT: It's the ugly looking dude.

Allright, I was just kidding. There’s no female on that pic, but trust me, if you’ve ever seen Mr. Ed, you’ve seen a prettier version of her.  On with the story. 

Once upon a time, a couple of geeks, fags, an ugly chick, a surfer dude, and a scammer who goes by the name of “Chris Record” decided TV needed something different – a “Television for Entremanures”. And so, the whole “Unstrapp’d” concept was born. What their purpose was eludes me for the moment. It had something to do with them surfing all day long, playing golf, Vanessa looking fat, and a guy named Kyle doing all the work. “Social Media” was their raison d’etre (damn, I’m so suave and continental). Somehow, the end result would be a $100 million dollar company. 

The Casey Serin / Chris Record recipe for success

The Casey Serin / Chris Record recipe for success

Trust me on this one: Casey would have a hard time coming up with a plan this stupid. Not that he hasn’t tried – it’s just that it would have been too much work. And besides, someone asked Casey if he had thought about joining the Cockstrapp’d crew during one of his “rare” UStream casts – his vague answer was that he wasn’t interested, and nobody had contacted him anyway. Which is sort of strange, since Chris “My wife looks like Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus‘s favorite Consul”   

I get it! Caligula! FUNNEEE!!!

I get it! Caligula! FUNNEEE!!!

Record is an ex NRU alumni (you know, the Nouveau Riche University), who actually got Casey to join the place for a couple thousand grand, and then had the balls to redirect www.caseyserin.com to www.caseypedia.com. You’d think they’d be best of friends. 

In short, Chris Record is the bigger fish we always warned Casey about.

Anyway, Fuckstrapp’d lasted for 12 or 13 episodes, where we were shown how entremanures spent $50,000 from a cripple by living on an ocean front MacMansion, surfing all day and having a start-up party. But here’s where the fun really starts. 

During that period, the CampIdiot Crew started gathering intel sweet information on Record and his associates. Why? Simple.  Because Casey had gone AWOL and Chris Record is widely known as one of the people who scammed Casey. It was also found out that Sun Falcon (his real name) was born in a teepee to a couple of pot-smoking hippies. A couple of nasty coyotes ate his umbilical cord, which was left out to dry by his father, who wanted to make a musical instrument out of it. Later on, he changed his name to Chris Record. And, as I love to say, I shit you not – his father told this story on his web page. I’m sure you’d be glad to have a man like this as your company’s CEO.

Never before seen pic of Chris and Vanessa Record at a family dinner

Never before seen pic of Chris and Vanessa Record at a family dinner

 

But this was only the tip of the iceberg. The CampIdiot guys created an Encyclopaedia Dramatica of Unstrapp’d in just a couple of days.  Read the article if you must, it’s not as good as the best of them, but it has lots of LOLs. 

A week later, Unstrapp’d was history. I bet the cripple who invested $50K is mighty mad at Record.

One can only wonder. 

Sun Falcon, had you not been previously associated with Casey Serin, would Unstrapp’d have survived? There would not be any Encyclopaedia Dramatica article, and all the dirt on your cronies wouldn’t have been known, because nobody would have given two shits about your crappy TV show.

The world will never know.
The world will never know.

 

James Marks
I’m fighting the urge to rewrite this post. It sucks,
August 18th, 2010.