Hello, dear SEC readers!
Not much to post at the moment (not even good Tila shots!), but check this out. A tremendously talented CampIdiot poster wrote one of the funniest recaps of the entire saga. Sheer bloody poetry.
The crowd, having paid $5 each, is quiet. On the brightly lit stage, a hand-painted sign says ‘Cukey Goodman – making cucumbers disappear for your viewing pleasure’. There is a trampoline in the center of the stage – in front of the trampoline there is a padded stool and a low table. On the table is a large cucumber, a kitchen knife, a roll of duct tape, and a jar of Dr Procto’s Lube.
There is a brief smattering of applause as a slight man of about 30, his hair highlighted and combed forward, comes onstage wearing flip-flops and a striped bathrobe. This must be Cukey Goodman.
“And now,” he says, in slightly accented Californian English, “for you, my audience, I will make a cucumber disappear.”
Mr Goodman carefully cuts the end off the cucumber. He pulls off a length of duct tape and turns to clown for the audience as the duct tape gets stuck to his fingers. Eventually he manages to tape the cucumber upright in the center of the stool. He then coats the cucumber in Dr. Procto’s, his fingers lingering on the shaft a little too lovingly for some.
Once this is complete, Mr Goodman kicks off his flip-flops and climbs onto the trampoline. There is a collective gasp and intake of breath from the audience as he drops the bathrobe with a flourish. He begins to bounce, jumping higher and higher as he eyes the distance between the trampoline and the stool. Some people cover their eyes as Mr Goodman’s flaccid penis whirls in a circle in time to his bouncing.
Mr Goodman, satisfied with his last bounce, leaps high in the air toward the stool. From offstage, a woman’s voice with a heavy Slavic accent is heard incongruously yelling ‘Go Kostya Go!’. Cukey, meanwhile, strikes a couple of styles at the top of his leap.
This is his undoing – as he comes down he clutches his knees and pulls them up, aiming his twitching anus at the tip of the heavily-lubed vegetable below, but his clowning has thrown his timing off. He misses, and he smashes squarely into the cuke with his testicles, spattering the front row of the audience with a grotesque salad of cucumber fragments and lube.
The audience files out to get their money back as Cukey lies groaning on the stage.
Anonymous – http://www.campidiot.com/casey
Read it once again and you’ll see – the entire 5 years of this criminal saga is there. Major props, dude.
You spin me right round, baby, right round!
May 18th, 2011